It feels like everytime I tell someone something, it feels as if I'm trying to convince myself that it isn't true.

But I mean, it may be true, but it may not be too.

Okay, I too don't understand what I'm blabbering about.

But I'm really tired.

Anyway, I think I'm gonna give up.

For this very once.

I know I hate giving up but, this game, I really can't win it.

So, why waste my energy? I'm gonna give my all so that I'll be able to go to a good JC.

I know it's in 2 years time, but 2 years isn't all that long.

And this year is my streaming year, and I really don't wanna get the last few in the level.

Still, whenever someone asks me, "what school do you wanna go in the future?"

I'll be stumped. Okay, I know that there are the few schools that I really do wanna go to, but thing is I don't know if I can make it.

I'm not good at anything. Or at least, everyone else is better than me, and I can't truly be the best.

I've never been I guess. First at anything. NEVER.

True, I may have been first for literature in T2, and I may have gotten 1st in sports day.

But what? It's all the insignificant stuff that people don't even care

Literature can't take me anywhere, coz I'm not even pro in my english.

Being first in Sports Day. SO? It's only sports day. That's what my parents tell me.

Okay I agree with them.

And thinking bout it, I didn't really win. What height did I jump? 1.95m. ONLY.

how the HELL can it be first?!

And what? It was only luck that I did it in my first jump.

The others also jumped 1.95. I really don't know how to improve.

Okay, they have been telling me my mistake. But I just can't change. And I don't know why.

Sometimes, I wonder if my efforts and sacrifice is even worth it.

Okay, I'm not talking bout sports day now. But my general life.

Sometimes, I think I give up the wrong things for the wrong purposes.

My english tuition teacher was asking me that day,

"Where can sports bring you? What can you get from sports? Even if you can go to the olympics, how long can you have sports as your profession? And it's really impossible for Singapore to actually win the Olympics."

That's what he told me. But I didn't say anything. True, I don't know if I'm even made for sports.

I don't have the physics. I think. Or that's what my parents say. They were surprised I even got into Track and Field.

But I was thinking, Singapore did win the olympics. ONCE.

But we could do it again. One day. I'm not saying I'm the one, coz it's obviously impossible for someone like me. But for some others it's really possible.

Like Ms Yang.

But I really do like sports. Dancing too.

But nobody really knows that. Okay maybe sports yeah. Dancing, only the very few, I think.

I don't like ballet, but I think it's cool.

I like hip hop though. And few really know that I was in my school team for the national aerobics.

I'm not saying it's anything big but it was the first EVER big competition that I ever competed in.

And I will NEVER forget the hours I took, together with the others, training for it.

thinking about it, it was also my first training.

I never had training. Coz my CCA was freaking slack.

Ballet.

1 hour a week in air-con studio following teacher's moves.

That's all.

Okay, I really don't wanna do anymore life-retakes.

So, I shall end here.

Till my next post~